ruins

i'm sorry i ruined everything. i'm sorry i ruined you, maybe. i'm sorry i ruined myself, positive. everything i touch turns to ash and falls to the floor. i've tried to sweep it under the rug, but it just gets kicked up again. now everything is a mess. i think i'm breaking down.

lovegame vs across the shields

Lady GaGa/Torche world tour '09 would be awesome

a love/hate relationship with upstate NY

I woke up with three inches of snow on my car. It's April and I wore a dress on Sunday. COOL, EARTH! This just makes me more anxious for road trips, summer, and all around better times. I'm jealous of people that keep moving and are traveling. I wish I could pack all of my belongings into just my car and leave. I don't know where I'd go, though! Sarah and I decided on Saturday that we are in fact going to drive out to California this summer.. we just don't know the specifics yet. We don't want to use hotels and we want to go hiking and live off of peanut butter and jelly. No, we're not hippies. Can't wait to swim in the Pacific Ocean!

Other news.... there is no other news. I hate standing still and I'm bored. That's it.

CALIFORNIA OR BUST! SUMMER '09!

always running

right now, i hate everything. weird how things can change in a matter of 60 minutes.

going to stop being on the computer constantly. it makes me miserable because i think too much. this probably won't work though because i'll just end up thinking more. who knows. fuuuuck

Hi, Richmond

I'm in you right now. What's up? You have a really good restaurant with a delicious vegan burger that I enjoyed very much. I'm getting sick, but I picked up some Mucinex D and vitamin C tablets, so hopefully I can avoid getting sick until I get back home.

I'm going to sleep. I want to get wild this weekend.

Toronto visit

It's 2:23am and it's our last night in Toronto. It's been fun, but I'm ready to go home. Sarah is dead asleep next to me, and I wish I was. I don't know why I do this to myself. I stay up late, start thinking too much, then feel shitty for the rest of the night and end up going to bed upset and pissed off (usually at my own self). Fuck you, self-esteem. Fuck you, male species. Blah blah blah. I wish there was a way to get rid of paranoia, jealousy, self doubt, and self hatred. Any tips? Please? It's getting annooying.

Favorite part of the trip was being tourists and going to the CN Tower, and buying beer and getting drunk in the hotel room, just Sarah and I. I had a lot of fun, but I think I had my hopes up a little too high. No regrets!

1. I love Sarah more than anybody else.
2. I really really want a dog.
3. I wish it was summer.
4. Sarah and I have more fun than you.