I'm looking forward to things. This is a good, good thing. Still wanting to get outta town, though.

off to work, then that Slingshot Dakota show, then...?

I retract that last post. It was the best birthday!!

goodbye 18, forever

I'm 19 as of 3 hours and 22 minutes ago. I can tell already that this is going to be a shitty day, and maybe even year.

go

i think i really want to get out of rochester. sorry, guys. i'm just getting restless.

ruins

i'm sorry i ruined everything. i'm sorry i ruined you, maybe. i'm sorry i ruined myself, positive. everything i touch turns to ash and falls to the floor. i've tried to sweep it under the rug, but it just gets kicked up again. now everything is a mess. i think i'm breaking down.

lovegame vs across the shields

Lady GaGa/Torche world tour '09 would be awesome

a love/hate relationship with upstate NY

I woke up with three inches of snow on my car. It's April and I wore a dress on Sunday. COOL, EARTH! This just makes me more anxious for road trips, summer, and all around better times. I'm jealous of people that keep moving and are traveling. I wish I could pack all of my belongings into just my car and leave. I don't know where I'd go, though! Sarah and I decided on Saturday that we are in fact going to drive out to California this summer.. we just don't know the specifics yet. We don't want to use hotels and we want to go hiking and live off of peanut butter and jelly. No, we're not hippies. Can't wait to swim in the Pacific Ocean!

Other news.... there is no other news. I hate standing still and I'm bored. That's it.

CALIFORNIA OR BUST! SUMMER '09!

always running

right now, i hate everything. weird how things can change in a matter of 60 minutes.

going to stop being on the computer constantly. it makes me miserable because i think too much. this probably won't work though because i'll just end up thinking more. who knows. fuuuuck

Hi, Richmond

I'm in you right now. What's up? You have a really good restaurant with a delicious vegan burger that I enjoyed very much. I'm getting sick, but I picked up some Mucinex D and vitamin C tablets, so hopefully I can avoid getting sick until I get back home.

I'm going to sleep. I want to get wild this weekend.

Toronto visit

It's 2:23am and it's our last night in Toronto. It's been fun, but I'm ready to go home. Sarah is dead asleep next to me, and I wish I was. I don't know why I do this to myself. I stay up late, start thinking too much, then feel shitty for the rest of the night and end up going to bed upset and pissed off (usually at my own self). Fuck you, self-esteem. Fuck you, male species. Blah blah blah. I wish there was a way to get rid of paranoia, jealousy, self doubt, and self hatred. Any tips? Please? It's getting annooying.

Favorite part of the trip was being tourists and going to the CN Tower, and buying beer and getting drunk in the hotel room, just Sarah and I. I had a lot of fun, but I think I had my hopes up a little too high. No regrets!

1. I love Sarah more than anybody else.
2. I really really want a dog.
3. I wish it was summer.
4. Sarah and I have more fun than you.

=/=

good dudes does not equal good music

Toronto in t-minus 3 days.
Converge/Coliseum/Ceremony/Pulling Teeth/Rise and Fall in t-minus 7 days.
United Blood in t-minus 10 days.
Being broke.... well, I'm already there. This should be fun.

traveltraveltravel

Toronto next weekend. United Blood the weekend after that. I live for road trips!

someone else's words

"and i am putting all my faith in these doors keeping all my secrets safe and warm. it's not certain whether you are right or you are wrong. and it's not certain whether plane tickets will break my fall."


why is it that someone else can always describe how i feel, but when it comes to me trying, i'm a million miles away?

some list

my to do list:

1. stop buying clothes. or any other things that i don't need.
2. start saving money. be smart, emily!
3. read the book portnoy's complaint by philip roth. a good friend gave it to me, so it would be nice to give it back to him soon, so he's not missing it too much.
4. continue to work out more
5. eat sensibly and healthily
6. put my guitar up for sale on craigslist
7. go to NYC and visit will
8. finish watching all of seinfeld
9. focus more on school. fucking art history...
10. possibly change my "major" from fine art to liberal arts... i'm not excited about fine arts. at all.
11. go to toronto
12. explore and experience
13. do these things on this list.

the weakerthans are perfect right now. my best friend is home for spring break. fuck, i've missed her.

just to get away

I'm in need of an adventure. Bad. I want to go to the west coast. San Francisco to Portland, then to Seattle. I need to do this. I've been so bored lately. Lack of money really sucks. The open road and horizon have never seemed so appealing. Just to get away.

(thanks to flickr for the first image)

new screen name

I got a new screen name for AIM. I forgot my old password because I never had to enter it. I'm bummed.

AIM: rottingouttt

IM ME

missin' people

Does anybody ever hang out anymore? I've been so bored lately. A lot of people have moved/gone away, and that bums me out. But I don't think I have any right to be upset. I'm happy for all my friends who are doing what they want to do, where they want to be. I just misss themmm!!! 

a list with pictures of people I miss/times I miss:

Eric, Cameron, Richie, and Willy. I don't see these boys very much, but they should know that I love them. PSC2!

Sam Weir in DC with Baltimore friends. I miss playing in that band, meeting new people, and just hanging out with everybody.

Back row: Renee, Kaitlin, Nina. Front row: Lauren, myself, Sarah.

Lady friends, I miss you.

other news: 

Went to Syracuse on Wednesday for the first band practice with Jay Trovato, Mike Marr, and Petey Big Moves. I'm playing bass, and I'm really excited. It's like a Jimmy Eat World/Archers of Loaf/Hot Water Music mix with some rocky parts. I'm into it. Most importantly, though, I'm pumped to (hopefully) become better friends with all these dudes. With living in Rochester, and them living in Syracuse, we don't hang much so it'll be fun when we do. I hope this band works out!

Phil said that this reminds him of me. It's from a site called fmylife.com. Whenever I'm feeling down I look at this site. Never fails to cheer me up.

the scenario...

"Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML"

aaahahaha I'm the clumsiest person ever! 

I get to go to United Blood this year! Looking forward to get away and travel a bit. I love road trips more than anything. Kate rules and has booked the hotel and everything. I'm like a little school girl. 

responsibility and rearranging

From now on I am going to be where I want, when I want, and with who I want. I'm only responsible for myself and in turn my own happiness and content. I'm done being miserable and apathetic. I'm beginning to think loneliness is a never ending feeling, so I'll just have to learn to deal with it.  

Other than that, I need to save money in hopes of ever moving out. I like it here at home, but I'm getting an itch for something new, and I have a feeling a hair cut and new shoes won't cut it this time. I'd really like it if the gig with Trevor and Kaitlin works out. That would be really awesome, but who knows. Allison has first dibs, and who knows if Trevor is even going to stay at that house. Regardless, I'm looking for roommates. Interested?

I'm also only drinking water this week.

listen to Robert Johnson's King Of The Delta Blues Singers Vol. 2

Seriously, get into it.

first?

So I've hopped on the bandwagon and now have a blog. Maybe I'll actually use it? I have a livejournal, but haven't posted in forever. This just seems more personal, like it's actually mine.

I guess I'm gonna play around with this a bit. Welcome to my life.